Hahaha 😀 Oh shit

I mean when I stand up, I start to hurt bad between my legs. Mainly on one side. But it's totally managable. It feels like the baby is preparing to come down. She moves around alot in my belly, same time. So I guess she is trying to figure out, how to leave :)... Hihi. The app say that it is 25 days, to my expected delivery. And I started to use it in May, before my expected period, because I already knew that I was pregnant. I felt it. I don't understand why most people take pregnancy tests? This time I just went to the midwife after 5 months and asked if they could check so that everything seemed ok. Because I worried, since I ate little, the last two months in Jamaica.

It's not like I drink, take drugs or consume anything that is not healthy anyway. So I don't see the rush in going to the midwife. Started to eat pregnancy vitamins in June, since I didn't eat enough nutrients.

It's like alot of people read and think, that other humans should guide this. But it's like the most natural thing. It's not like you study on how to use the bathroom. Haha.. But it's quite interesting to read others experiences.

I'm so glad that I've regained the power of my feelings and mind. Because I've been living many years, just feeling bad. My surroundings have been very negative and the psych doctors are really just interested in giving you some drugs and working to observe you. Wasting your time.

   When you as a patient is stuck in this system, it is very hard to get out. What I would advice you to do, is to get out. Stop doing what you have been doing, being around the same people. You need to see how others are living. Sluta trampa i samma gamla hjulspår, like we would say in Swedish 😀. I so love languages. 

I would have to clean a bit and maby go to the store. Because tomorrow my mother and two of my sisters are going to come here.

But I could order the food online and get it delivered here. That would cost 79 kr, so it's a waste of money. I just have 327kr left now, for seven days. But if I use the creditcard and pay it back, when I get money this month. It will not cost me anything. Thank God that I will get a higher salary, this year.

Now it's daylight, so I should dress and go outside. But what if I start to give birth? That's not a pleasant thing to do u kno 😄.

But I honestly think it is kinda amusing at the moment. Last time I was so worried and thought that I couldn't do it... Your mind has alot of power. It determins how you experience everything in life. You don't need anything, because you have everything, (when you have your belief in God).

A human tend to overanalyse everything and think too much. That is better in Jamaica, because they just leave it up to God. It's not good to generalize, but I mean most of them would say; a suh it guh. And don't think about the problem again. Hahaha. In Sweden we would say; det är så det är. If we wanted to say the same= it is so it am. But it's not very common, to use that expression and not do what you can to solve the issue.

To me, differences is very interesting. Because in that way you see different aproaches and could figure out the smartest way to live. And of course, the easiest way would be to just surround yourself with simular opinions and acctions. But that's not smart.

I have been around alot of drugusers and homeless people. Because it's interesting to see how they live. So after some years I started to see life in the same negative way. Sure alot more shit have happened/happends to those individuals, so no wonder. But the main problem is that they have a captured mind. They do the same thing over and over.

   To spend your life longing for those hours that your mind could stop thinking. Is not living at all. 

Now I'll go outside. Please God help me! Noo I can't. I mean even when I'm laying down it's like my pelvis is activated and it gives feelings all the time. That's crazy. I long fi dis to be over with. Imagine how wonderful to be able to live a normal life, where you can move around and do things. Without thinking twice.

Hihi, my hips/thighs, is feeling an emotion of vibrating. Could give birth at any time now. Last time around I did not get these feelings.

Thank you God, for making me stop and think.

I can't look at others now but others can and I guess this could be interesting to watch: : 

It's so easy to just feel, react and chill. And I think that's what you have to do, in some moments. I don't know what I will do today, I'll let God lead the way and make me figure out the thoughts I have. Thank you.

...................................................................

In this country we are reccomended to walk outside for 30 minutes a day, when we are pregnant. Yesterday I walked for like an hour. I ate a hamburger, but I could just manage to eat half of it. I do not like any type of meat. It tastes awful to eat! I just eat it now because it contain alot of necessery nutrients. I unfortunately do not have the time or energy to cook proper vegetarian food.

See the candle deh. I felt it was unpleasant to sit next to it. Since I don't know how they built it and why the fire would stay at the top and not just burn the wick down to that oil or gas or what ever it is. Because then I expect it to expload and that is not necessery...

Just now I ate a chicken sallad, they sold it for just 35kr. Because it expired today. And the juice just costed 15kr today. Sure it's not good that its made on concentrate. But I bought it because it was mixed with orange and water. I can't eat grapefruit normally. It's way to sour and I don't like to put sugar on any type of food...

I wright because I don't have the energy to do something else right now. Hopefully this soon changes, but they say that you get tierd when you breastfeed, having to give food 8-13 times a day.. Now I'll eat pasta n ham. Plus vegetables. They say that finished meals is not so healthy. I myself refused to eat these things earlier, because I don't know what type of preservatives and things they have put in the food. Plus I most often refused to put plastic in the micro. This container is made of paper, but I don't know what they have done to make it waterproof.

I should call them and ask, because I saw online that one company offered a layer of something waterproof to put on boxes. So it would be interesting to find out what Felix use.

Anyway it was really cheap 3 finished meals, for 79 kr. 26 kr a piece. Better than eating nothing.. The lime was also inexpensive, maby 3kr. I love vitamins :)..