Finally...

I just took the covidvaccin and the flueshot, for my babys sake 😀. Because I've realized that's the best thing I could do. Since the baby will be protected during the first months of her life... (See February is full of diseases over here and a newborn is extra sensitive)

Earlier I've honestly had the feeling that the medical care, exist to poison us, based on us selfishly believing in ourselves.  Hence leave God and nature. I've thought that the society, or Babylon, as I called it, was evil and just believed in themself (praising satan). I based what I thought on the bible, peoples acctions and opinions. 

I was "praising nature" and saw Adam and Eves decission, as having destroyed the human kind. Even in 2022 😅. I thought that "weed made me question everything", when the truth is that I just focused on surtan things and saw a smaller reality, when I smoked.

   I thought that them that used natural drugs actually had a better ability to see the truth, than sober people 😆. 

   Sure many normal thinking humans are influenced by others/their own chooices and don't always consider every existing fact. But I now know that it is waay easier for a sober minded, to see the reality we are living in. Every drug changes your perception of reality, there is nothing real about your thoughts, when you're on them!

Now I've realized that it's not that easy. I am responsible for my own life. It do not make any sense that others would have "preedestined" us. Then God would not be the almighty one or he would be unfare and evil. 

That do not make any sense. Why would he create someone to make them suffer?

I believe that everybody are given the same chances, it's just different ways of reaching.. Because of different circumstanses. That everybody are created to rise above.

I could only change what I do. I no longer see other peoples acctions as evil. Sure some jobs and laws could be alot better and humans make mistakes. But they do what they can to create order and help. You have to look to the options in this reality, to find the right way. Who am I to judge?

It was my exs fault that he choose to eat strong medication, didn't take care of himself and choose to always "stand by himself".       When he was living, I saw him as the victim that was being treated unfairly. Untill the last week of his life, when I made it clear that I left him. Because he brainwashed me to be able to be in controll, on and temporarily of for 6 years.

   He choose to play with fire, daily and it was his own fault he died. He was the one beating me, so I don't know why I always did what I could to help him. It did not matter how many years, others tried to change his life to be better. Or how much we helped him. Because he was the only one that could have changed the outcome of his life. But he didn't. He choose to use drugs every day. Everything he could get his hands on and that is what killed him! It was quite scary to see how his person/soul and eyes changed, when he was on them. He was not himself, or a thinking individual. You could only see evilness and hate in his eyes. He became another person that wasn't consiouse and lost his soul.

    I know that God is stronger than poison, and he will never leave a sober person. So I was never afraid. I remember being strangled, beaten, treatened and pushed. But I just felt very sorry for him. He told me lies almost every day and the most awful things, but I felt compassionate guilt, the way that he was living his life.

Unfortunately he believed the doctors that told him that the brain of a druguser has been rewired. So they actually need the drug, to feel normal. Well that is the case, but they forgott to say the most crucial thing. That the brain only thinks that way, as long as you're on the drug. If you are without the substance your brain WILL, eventually go back to it's normal wiering. That take a different amount of time, depending on the drug and amount of usage. But I swear it is possible to quit everything, you just have to make up your mind and stop believing that you are too weak. It is always worth it to quit, because you and everyone around you will feel better then.

How the bloodclaat could a drug, or anybody else decide over your acctions?! That is not possible, if you don't let it controll you. I tried to make him sober, or atleased to just use weed. Since that drug don't make you evil and more remaining in reality, than opioids. Replacement always worked for me. But he was using too heavy, for too long. So he was destined to die. 40 years, still reasoning as if he was 20 😪

Thank God that I have been able to think soberly! From my previouse experiences in life, I've noticed that pills and drugs, just put a lid on your feelings and actually make your circumstances worse. Antidepressants and drugs, do not change anything at all. I've been on both for years and absolutely nothing gets better, untill you yourself change your mindset. (That is not easy to do, while you're on them. Since you only see a smaller picture and judge everybody other than yourself) Sure when reality hits, you will put yourself down too, but you will not stop using. "The devil will wisper in your ears" untill you die. As long as you're doing the same thing over n over. It will be a circle of bad events, untill death. That's how he takes controll over peoples minds.

A drug will never and can not possibly make you feel better. Sure you think that momentairly, but just because you are not able too remember the pain you are feeling, does not mean it disapeare or become better. Your hurting and suffering will actually become worse and worse, untill you change your life for the better OR die. Sure it can take many years and you will most likely hurt or destroy little by little. But eventually you will loose everything, and the worst part about it is that you will not even care. Because all you will prioritize, is getting your brain back on drugs. You will leave your best friends and everybody you know. Because you will no longer realize what is important. Is it worth it, for a temporary feeling of numbness?

Hell no. It is way better to make your life stabil and happy.

 

I've met or seen several hundred people, using different drugs. Everybody have to deal with the same problems and reason in the same way. "Nothing new happends under the sun".

 

I remember last year, how I had a hard time to stop using Snus. I tried everything. To exersise, to use nicotine shewing gum, to lessen it and stop it, while I was living the same life. But nothing worked. Then I went to Jamaica and just threw it away. Because I didn't want to use it anymore. I had been eating Lithium every day for 6 months too because I was forced to. But I just stopped it. The doctor told me that I had to eat it, "because I would become so depressed without it. Since my accident has caused me to get the same symptoms as if I am bipolar"! Shit, I can't believe that it exsist people who decide over others life! As if a doctor could possibly know, the way your mind works or what's best for you! Speculations! 

It's a whole different thing to give people advice based on experience. But unfortunately most need their own before they could change their situation.

I tried weed again, after a year without it. But man, it tasted awful and did not make anything better but made me dizzy. So I stopped using everything. And I will never do it again! Thank you God. I have never felt better in my life.

Of course people are doing what they can to make life better for everybody. Even if they do that indirectly. Sure greed, jelousy, bad emotions and envy exist. The only thing I can do about that is stay far from it. Because Jah know how many years I've wasted trying to make life better for people that are destroying their lives.

Thank God that I have realized that it's not worth trying. When you are the only one living to change things. I can't decide over other peoples acctions. But I can decide of my own.

The number one thing in a relationship, is to listen/communicate and respect eachother. One partner can never do what he or she wants, if they are not willing to explain themselves. I mean I have lived through many relationships, and it will never be a good one, untill you are ready to concider, your partners feelings. To agree/disagree  and explane things.

I have thought that you can help people and as a consequense of that, would get them to return the favour. But people don't think the same way, especially when one of them is "medicated". Alot of humans are selfish, I guess it's a survival tecniqe.

I know I spell English words wrong sometimes, since I'm not a native English speaker. And right now I don't have the energy to use a dictionary. So forgive me.

Soo greatful for this marvelouse and giving country. Sweden is the best place I ever heard about.

Ajajaj! 😃. Good Day and night to all the people who actually think...

The baby have been extremely active today, but 20 minutes ago it stopped. Sure it's periods every day that she is sleeping. But now I'm worried if she really is sleeping, since I took the shots. But I've read that over 60 000 pregnant woman took it, without any problem. So I should wait for some hours and then call the delivery if I haven't felt any motions :S... 

I felt some now. But of course I am worried about everything concerning my baby ❤. Wednesday I will go to the dentist to make them look and fix the biggest problem with my tooth, so that I don't have to go there with a newborn...

Lata, pronounced layta= means later in patois. But lata actually mean lazy in swedish, we prounounce it differently. Like laata... Mi luv language...

People on drugs, don't have any consience... Sober people feel everything.Thank God Emanuella living 🥰 

That's not my bellybutton but a scar. My bellybutton stands out at the moment 🤣